What Not To Do When You Wake Up At Three O'Clock In The Afternoon

I woke up today around eleven and thought, "Shit, it's late, it's a beautiful day out, I should play wiffleball or something." So I stood up, walked to the kitchen, drank about half a gallon of orange juice straight from the bottle and lay back down because I felt like I was going to throw up from drinking that much juice that quickly.

I fell asleep again, of course, and then I woke up at three.

Now, after living through a day that starts at three o'clock in the afternoon (I'm losing my train of thought because I just noticed how stupid the word "o'clock" is. Is that like a phrase or a word or a conjunction or what? Why don't we use that apostrophe for anything else? (eg "I'm going to see o'montreal this weekend." "I've got a problem with people o'color." etc.))

Too many parentheticals. Shit.

So when you wake up at three pm, the main thing is that you can't try to do anything. It's not that you'll screw it up, though that may, and often does happen, but the things that you'll decide to do are probably going to fall under the category of decisions made "under duress."

Here's a hypothetical situation: You could drive to guitar center, wander around aimlessly and almost having a panic attack every time the creep with the dredlocks calls you bro and asks if you need help with anything, bro, then you could find yourself (hypothetically) watching what appears to be a WCAT (Wakefield Community Access Television) produced instructional video on jazz drumming. Then you might think "I should learn how to do that." Next thing you know, you're down twenty five bucks and you've got a pair of sticks and a set of brushes, but no drum, and no instructional video, because you're somehow going to teach yourself.

You're going to want to get a drum, so you're going to (hypothetically) drive to Daddy's Junky Music to find a cheap one, but you're not going to be able to find it on route 1, and when you finally do, they're going to be closed because it's like seven at night, because you didn't wake up until 3.

You'll have to borrow a drum from your friend, and by the time you get everything set up and you start playing, you quickly realize that this isn't exactly something you can teach yourself, and it certainly isn't something you can teach yourself while watching Date My Mom.

And you're going to feel like a total jack ass.

The Boston Metro is the most useless piece of shit on earth. It's great if you want an idiot to give you the news that happened before seven the previous night. The sports section still bothers to list game scores even though they just have the Red Sox score and every other game is listed as ending too late to print. And who wants to miss a completely ineffectual review of The Devil Wears Prada.

I've got this problem with that book.

The topic doesn't interest me, to begin with, and it does interest a lot of very vain, shallow people. But that's not the main problem.

The main problem is the fact that the book is (so they say) pretty well written. Lately it seems to me that gimmicky things that are very overtly gimmicky get more credit for being well executed then say, a legitimate idea that is well executed.

I'll even go so far as to say that a poorly executed good idea has a lot more worth than a well executed cheap idea.

I don't know. There's no such thing as bad reading. So many people don't read at all. But at the same time, come on... The Devil Wears Prada?

Please.